I resisted social media for a long time. A really long time. I hadn’t been on it, didn’t want to be on it, and told myself I just didn’t have the time. But if I’m being honest, and I usually am, I knew the truth. I was scared to put myself out there.

I could see it clearly. I could consciously catch myself doing it. And I still wasn’t doing anything about it.

Then SEAR came along and everything shifted. Because now it matters to me in a different way. I want to connect. I want to share what we know and help helping professionals. So after a few weeks of knowing I needed to show up and still not showing up, I finally sat down and said: I’m going to reframe my thinking around this. Social media isn’t about performing. It’s about sharing from my heart the knowledge in my head.

That reframe got me moving. But it didn’t make everything easy. Getting on Instagram just to look at the analytics was another scary climb. So I carved out one hour. Made myself look, truly look, even though it was uncomfortable to see what was working and what wasn’t.

I made myself do it.

I was living in Stage 2. And I’d be willing to bet you know exactly what that feels like.

A MODEL WORTH KNOWING

In the 1960s, a learning framework called the Four Stages of Competence was first outlined by management coach Martin Broadwell and later popularized by Noel Burch. The model maps the psychological journey we go through when learning any new skill. Most people know the first stage and dream about the last. The two in the middle are where the real work and the real struggle actually live.

THE FOUR STAGES

Stage 1, Unconscious Incompetence: You don't know what you don't know. You're unaware of the gap and honestly, life feels pretty manageable from here.

Stage 2, Conscious Incompetence: You know what you don't know. The gap is visible. And it is deeply, persistently uncomfortable.

Stage 3, Conscious Competence: You can do it, but it requires focus and intention. You're not on autopilot yet but you're moving.

Stage 4, Unconscious Competence: Second nature. The skill is part of you. You've stopped thinking about it and started just doing it.

LET'S STAY IN STAGE 2 FOR A MINUTE

Stage 2 is where the shame spiral sets up camp. It's where you watch yourself repeat the same pattern for what feels like the hundreth time and think, what is wrong with me? It's the stage that feels most like failure because you're aware enough to see the problem but haven't yet built the bridge to the other side.

Angie and I see this with the coaches and clients we work with. This is one of the trickiest places to sit with a client. The instinct is to push, to help them move, to get them into action. But sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is slow down and name where they are. Not as a diagnosis. As a relief.

Some people stay here longer than others and honestly, that's a whole other conversation.

But here's what Stage 2 actually is: proof that growth has already started.

THE REFRAME

You cannot feel a gap until you've grown enough to see it. The awareness came first. The discomfort followed. That means something shifted in you before you even realized it and that shift is the beginning of everything.

Stage 2 isn't where you're stuck. It's where you're awake. And being awake, even when it's uncomfortable, even when the gap feels enormous, is the only way through to Stage 3.

YOUR CHALLENGE THIS WEEK

Name your Stage 2. Just one. The pattern you can see clearly but haven't closed yet. Write it down without judgment, not as a verdict on who you are, just as information.

Then identify one next step toward Stage 3. Not five. Not a plan. One step.

Awareness without action is just a very uncomfortable place to live. You've already done the hard part. You woke up. Now move, just a little.